Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
