is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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