How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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