If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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