I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
