so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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