Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
