You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
