i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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