I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
