I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
