You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
