watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
