Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
