it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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