some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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