Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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