It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
