ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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