I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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