five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
