he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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