you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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