her vagine was all disorganized.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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