So drunk, too bad you don't want this
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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