He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
