your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
