You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
