I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
