you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
