You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
