Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
