i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
