hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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