So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
