There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
