She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
