your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
