singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
