I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
