I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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