We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I want to fling myself into the sun
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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