I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
