i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She announced her abortion via fbk
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
