hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
