i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
there is glitter all over my balls
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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