do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
