Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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