The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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