So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish you could order shots online.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
