we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
