Non-Jews are for practice
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
