nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
