morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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