I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
