my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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